Things I Am Not Allowed To Do At Hogwarts, The best of...

see my siggy...

those and
-I cannot hadoken anything into oblivion
-"Y'all check this s*** out" is not an appropriate way to announce that you are about to perform an experimental spell

Do not attempt to blow up Hogwarts toilets for any purpose
Even if the purpose is to send your sister a toilet seat.
Do not magic Booger flavored Bertie Botts beans up people's noses.
And what ever you do Do not run around Snape, yelling "BOTHER" and poking him.

I must not tease remus Lupin about his "Time of the Month"
Flitwick cannot get me an in with the Lollipop Guild

- I will not sing "We're off to see the wizard' when sent to the Headmaster's office.
- Bringing fortune cookies to Divination class does not count for extra credit.
- Gryffindors courage does not come in bottles labeled 'Firewhisky'.
- I will stop asking the Athirmancy teacher what the sqare root of 1 is.
- No matter how good a fake Australian accent I can do, I will not imitate Steve Irwin during Care of Magical Creatures Class.
- Seamus Finnegan is not 'after me Lucky Charms'.
- I will not take out a life insurance policy on Harry Potter.

*see my siggy*

-I will not sing 'We're off to see the wizard' on my way to the headmaster's office.
-Especially not with a band of house elves following you.
-And definitely not while those House elves have kazoos.

-I will not scare the Aritmancy students with my calculus book
-I will not attempt to magically animate my marshmallow peeps.
-I will not scream 'There can only be one!' at the annual June battle of Good vs. Evil
-I will not lock the Slytherins and Gryffindors in a room together to find out which House survives.
-I am not a Tribble Animagus.
-I do not weigh the same as a duck.
-42 is not the answer to every question on the O.W.L.s

I will not use the Invisibility cloak to spy on cute boys...

I will not set pixies free at the sorting ceremony.

I will not randomly appear behind people and shout "BOO" once I learn to apparate.

I will not use the broomsticks as toys, or to play "keep away" from first years.

I will not ask Snape if he can create a potion to make his hair less greasy.

I don't weigh the same as a duck
I will not tye-dye all the owls
I will not bring a magic eight ball to divination class
Crucifixes don't ward off Slytherins, and I shouldn't test this.
I am not a vampire slayer and Lupin is not my watcher
I am not to tell Sir Cadogan that the Knights of Ni have challenged him to a duel and then have my friends/other people to call "Ni!" from various dirrections
I am not allowed to spank other people - eben if Draco liked it.
Also, Draco malfoy no longer requires a nanny, nor does he need tucking in and "a bit of a cuddle" at bedtime, not even if he insists he does and that his father has hired me to provide said service.

I will not contradict Trelawney when she predicts Harry's death.
I will not make all the armor start singing "This is Halloween" on Halloween.
I will not confuse purebloods with the idea of the Internet.
I will not make Snape purple, nor make him wear a petticoat.
I will not keep Padfoot as a pet while everyone still thinks he is a murderer.
I will not change the Hogwarts Uniform.